A Fanfic Reader's Worst Nightmare: Worlds of Woe
by Minmei
Summary: The best Final Fantasy crossover romance you'll find anywhere!!! Complete with name fusions and barf-inducing OC!!!! (Parody)


Crossovers, name fusions, and self-insertions gone wrong! Have fun (or barf trying). 

DISCLAMMERR 

Games: the ones made by Square I don't own them  
Genre: I don't know but it has sexxxxxxxxxxxxxx0r  
Pairings: ya know, I hate this term. Its like saying u can't love more than 1 person at a time!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't care about Quiefer or Cloti!!!!!!!! This is a fanfic that will break the barriers of the one-sided views of romance!!!!!! Therefore no stopping at pairings only pentangle Gogo/Fujin/Locke/Yuffie/Selphie!!!!!!!!!!!11oneoneone And beyond!!!!1  
OC: THERE IS AN ORIGINAL charACter. It is a beautiful 16-year-old girl named Raven!!!!! (that is my name but there is no connection between us really)  
Extra: Locke is hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 Celes sucks, die!!!!!!!!!!11 

Q 

PROLOGUE 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

FF6 WORLD 

After the world of ruin, Locke returned to his life of a thief- I mean treasure hunter. Gogo was lonely and decided to seek out Locke. 

Hi Locke, Gogo said. 

Hey Gogo, what's up? asked Locke. 

I'm lonely. 

Me too, Locke said to him/her/it. 

So they hooked up and became GoLocke. 

And then, out of nowhere, a portal engulfed them. There would've been details, but most would just rather see the sex. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

FF7 woRLd 

Yuffie and Fujin were walking around the Planet together because the author briefly forgot that Fujin was from Final Fantasy 8. In this particular post-ending, Yuffie survived and met Fujin. 

Then they hooked up too to become F-Yu. 

And GUESS WHAT??!?!!!!1oneone A portal opened where they were and sucked them in too!!! 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

FF8 world 

Selphie, who was currently masturbating, was thrown into a portal with no explanation whatsoever. (this happened as she climaxed so she wasn't aware of what was going on) 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

All five FF characters were thrown into a strange new world called Earth. The three girls found themselves in Minnesota (Toronto was too gay) while LockEEEE and the neuter ended up in Acapulco. 

F-Yu had walked in on Selphie in a barn. To their relief, all the horrible moaning sounds were coming from Selphie and Selphie alone. 

After the initial embarrassment, they hooked up to become F-YuSelph. 

GoLocke had magically acquired a Final Fantasy girl radar after having been thrown into this new world, so they walked 2000 or so miles to the location of the chick threesome. They all met and became fast friends. Fast friends which turned into faster lovers (NOT IN BED). 

And thus, they became GoFuckYuSelph. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Meanwhile... 

In the mountains of Minnesota, there was a beautiful mountain girl who lived in the home of her possessive though anally loving father. In spite of this, she ran away. 

This special and beautiful mountain girl was named Raven, and was one of the fairest in the land. She had milky white skin, almond-shaped crystal blue eyes, a small perfect nose, luscious full lips, and a heart-shaped face. She stood at 5 foot 5 inches and was a total of 97 pounds. She was called Raven because of her gorgeous, shiny, beautifully textured long black hair which spilled onto her shoulders and down her back...over her perfectly fit J-Lo butt...hanging down past her perfectly toned smooth thighs and her smooth knees... 

...and past her finely sculpted smooth calves and sexily tiny ankles...some of draping over her beautiful little feet and perfectly manicured toenails...most of it dragging upon the floor behind her like the skirt of a ridiculously expensive wedding gown...while walking down the aisle of some beautiful Italian cathedral at the beginning of June...where there were blossoms all around and perfect weather and birds chirping praises of a new wonderful and prosperous life...anyway. 

But as beautiful as her hair was, it didn't obstruct the sight of her perfect washboard stomach which she showed off with her fur bustier and fur hipster capris (with matching fur thong--it was 50% off for the 3-piece set) she wore. Because you have to remember this is the mountains. 

With her furry outfit, she wore a heart-shaped pendant made out of 24 carat gold. The necklace chain, also made out of 24 carat gold, dropped the pendant low enough into her cleavage where it just barely grazed the surface of her unusually large, healthy, perky, snow white bosoms. (You know, the kind of t*ts you could eat a seven course meal off of...sour cream, whipping cream, cottage cheese, ice cream, yogurt, half&half, AND milk!) 

Anyway, being the most beautiful girl in the universe with the most perfect body at the age of sixteen, all the men had fallen in love with her. And every woman wanted to be her best friend. All the children positively adored her because she seemed to emanate a powerful love me' aura to all those around her. The old had taken a liking to her as well, since she would come down to the home at seven o'clock every evening to read angst poetry...let's ignore the fact that all these were impossibilities considering her father kept her locked up in her room 24/7. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

STORY 

My father is evil!! Raven screamed, her DoubleDamn-cup breast twitching in fury (the other was bouncing). She ran through the snow with perfect ease despite the fact she wore no footwear, and her gown-long hair had picked up and dragged along most of the branches, twigs, and dead animals in the snow path. 

the girl continued wailing, as if to gather more sympathy from the reader. Even though the explanation for her pain had been minimal at best, it still worked. Damn it. 

Oh, where were her followers now? Where were her suitors, the ones that loved her so much? Where were all the people that had put her on a pedestal, and were willing to give their lives for her? I'll tell you where. They're all stuck in that passage a few paragraphs ago, because they don't really exist. 

Raven kept running until she caught sight of a barn in the distance. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

In the barn, GoFuckYuSelph was going at it quite nicely. Barns are soooooooo romantic. That's what I learned from every made-for-woman TV movie. 

Outside, Raven was drawn to the barn. Logically, most kids would've run to the police by this point, had they had cruel and wicked father. But being the Mary S...uh, merrily natured gal she was, she sought asylum in the barn, which was no more than 15 feet away from her evil father's house. 

GoFuckYuSelph cried as the barn door was opened. They were in the middle of something naughty. 

Oh my God! Raven gasped. She had never seen sex before, and she was immediately aroused. 

What are you doing? asked GoFuckYuSelph casually, with instant, magical recovery from the embarrassment of having been caught in the act. 

I'm running away! Raven said as she promptly burst into tears. She hurried up to the GoLocke section and sobbed into their shoulder. 

GoLocke began comforting this strange girl they had never before seen in their lives. It's all right, they said. You can tell us. 

It's my father!! wailed the girl. He keeps me locked in my room all the time!! I have to watch the sun rise in the morning and then set in the evening! It's so awful! I broke a nail escaping! 

We love you, Raven, GoLocke suddenly said, despite not having known her name. 

Raven stopped crying. 

Us too! F-YuSelph chimed in. 

Raven turned around, a warm expression on her face. she said contently, tears forming in her eyes. That's all I ever wanted. I've lost so much love in my life, been through such hard times, and broke a nail...all I needed was immediate acceptance, a just compensation for all my hard suffering. Group hug! 

They all embraced at her command, and GoFuckYuSelph thus became GoFuckYuSelphRaven. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

But it didn't even get as far as sex before Raven started having a problem with Gogo. You see, Gogo is not only a great imitator, he/she/it is also extremely intelligent. 

What do you mean!!!! Raven was screaming. 

I mean you're just a figment of the author's imagination, Gogo explained calmly. You're an absurd extension of her in which you compensate for all the areas she lacks in. Well, almost all. You weren't gifted with any common sense. 

Raven shrieked, her entire world shattered. It's not true!!!!!!!!!!! With Gogo's words having hurt her feelings, Raven ran away again. 

said Locke, watching his knife get dragged off in Raven's locks. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Two seconds later, Raven was raped. We don't know by whom...it could've been her father had he been evil enough, but he had outlived his story purpose a couple of scenes ago. Also, the author currently has no grudge against any Final Fantasy guy in terms of love pairings. 

Oh God!!!!!!! Raven was screaming, in desperate need of duct tape for the mouth. And maybe her hootchie fur outfit. 

She was wandering around in the snow with some of her clothes torn. It was Locke who found her. 

cried Locke. What happened?! 

Oh, Locke! Raven wailed, and explained the situation to him. 

said Locke. Well, rest assured, if we knew the identity of your assailant, I'd kill him! 

Oh, Locke, Raven sighed, feeling loved all over again. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Locke and Raven returned to the barn (they haven't hooked up on their own yet). 

F-YuSelph immediately surrounded Locke. Oh, Locke! Where have you been? We missed you! They hugged him. 

Raven was enraged by F-YuSelph's innocent display of affection. Thinking she was completely justified, she drew Locke's knife out of her hair, screaming, You f*cking whores!!! and stabbed all three of them to death. Nevermind that one scene ago, she couldn't even fend for herself, even with the knife in her hair. 

Gogo died too, an unexplained albeit necessary event. 

Locke said, completely amazed. I'm impressed. 

asked Raven as she turned around. That's so nice of you to say. 

Yes, well...I feel the need to be nice, the treasure hunter said. I just noticed it now, but you look so much like Rachel. Except more beautiful than she could ever be. 

Oh Locke! And then the two began making out. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

ENDING 

And then...Locke and Raven ran into the meadows of Nebraska, where several hot air balloons were conveniently set. They were free to be themselves, to be with each other, for GoFuckYuSelphRaven was no more. 

Locke and Raven consummated their love by climbing into one of the baskets and getting naked. Having forgotten about the rape, Locke and Raven made passionate love as they took off in the author's ego balloon. 


End file.
